Chinese Taxi Drivers Speaking French

June 4, 2012

I get in, tell him where I’m headed. The necessary exchanges occur.

“Your Chinese is great! Which country?”

“I’m from the US.”



“How many years have you been in China?”

“I’ve lived here eight months.” I know, of course, what’s coming next.

He yelps. He peers at me in his rear-view mirror. At the next light, he swings his head around to squint at me.

“EIGHT MONTHS!!” That part is actually yelled. “AMAZING!! You’ve been here eight months and you speak this well!! So great!!!”

I giggle. The same thing, every time. Chinese always lavish flattering praise whenever a foreigner speaks any Chinese.

I inform him that I learned all my Chinese by chatting with lovely taxi drivers like him. He is pleased.

And then a car cuts him off at a traffic circle. He glares at it. He glances at me. “In such a situation, he asks, should one say ‘Fuck you, ok?'”

I laugh. “Yes! Absolutely. Just: ‘Fuck you.'”

He practices. “Fuck you, ok!”

“No no no,” I tell him. “No ‘ok’; just ‘fuck you.'”

“No ‘ok?'”

“Right,” I confirm. He practices again. Flawless execution.

“How about ‘shabi'”, he asks. “How does one say that in English?” Best way I can think to translate it: “Stupid vagina.”

Ahem. “We don’t really say that in English.”

“Do you speak French?”

My curiosity got the better of me. “What’s your question?”

He asks: “Do you know the word ‘cu#+’?”



“That’s not French,” I say, laughing inwardly, sharing a joke with that unknown foreigner that had taught him to swear and told him he was speaking French.

I HATE that word. I never understood how  proper Brits got away with saying such an awful word every day. I refuse to help.

“It’s actually British; Americans don’t say that word.” I don’t like that word; I don’t want to say it.

He pressures, pleads, insists, tries pronouncing it, but it comes out with no t. “Cun!” he exclaims, the foreign word bursting out of his mouth with a splutter. “Cun! Cun!”

I’m from the East Coast. I can’t bear to see someone with an attitude not armed with the proper artillery. I had to help him out.

“Put a “T” at the end,” I encouraged. He was puzzled. “A ‘t?'” But he was so earnest!

I sighed. “Like ‘unt’!”

He got it. He practiced. “Cu#+! cu#+! cu#+!”

Just passing the love around.


2 Responses to “Chinese Taxi Drivers Speaking French”

  1. Well in French there is a word ¨con¨ it’s like slang for idiot, and ¨conne¨ for the girls, means like bitch or something.. So maybe he was speaking French after all.

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